March - Realising that buying more would never make me feel enough

I first listened to Cait Flanders 'The Year of Less' when I was 18. I loved her book, and found it inspiring. I remember having half hearted thoughts about doing a shopping ban, but at the time, a ban would simply have been about 'not shopping'. Needless to say, it didn't last very long - around 2 weeks. But I've always remembered the book, and it's crossed my mind several times in my adult life. Usually, as a result of a shopping binge or feeling very uncomfortable about the amount of something that either I, or someone else, has consumed.

I recently turned 30. Unlike many people in my life, it didn't bother me that much, and it wasn't something that I dreaded. For me, age has been something that I have found has made me happier. I feel more comfortable with who I am, I feel that I am my authentic self more often, and I no longer have such an overwhelming need to be like or get approval from other people. Turning 30 feels like i've turned a new chapter in my life, and as such, I've started to think about things a little differently. 

I've always struggled with feelings of not being enough. Whether I'm not funny enough, clever enough, thin enough, attractive enough. Whether I have enough friends, whether my job is enough, and the amount of effort I'm putting in is enough. I've suffered from burnout in the past, and have struggled with anxiety from around the age of 18. However, I'm very thankful to be able to say that I have had therapy, and I now know what things I need to help me manage these feelings and make me feel better. For example, exercise, walking outdoors, and seeing friends and family always helps me. Social media on the other hand, does not. I don't use social media, except for LinkedIn for my career. I don't miss it at all, and I'm grateful each day that I don't use it.

Despite that, I've always had pangs over the years of 'not being enough' in some regard. Not long after turning 30, I had a sudden urge to spend a lot of money on buying shoes and clothes, because I felt like what I had wasn't enough. I wanted to buy clothes and shoes that I felt would make me the ideal version of me - cool, never flustered, sexy and on top of everything. I spent close to £1000 in one weekend buying all these things.

Once it all arrived, I tried it on and found that none of it looked right, or made me feel the way I wanted to feel. Out of the £1000 spent, I kept one pair of trainers that I really did need as I was wearing the same trainers out as I wore to the gym. The rest got returned. I had some guilt about this, hoping that it didn't go to landfill. 

I then realised how many times I had done this in my life, and realised that no matter what I bought, it was never going to be enough to make me feel enough. I would always need more.

I remembered Cait Flanders' book at this time, so, I started listening to it on my daily walk. Her book resonated with me more this time than it had done when I was 18. Some of the personal struggles she shared, like her feelings about work, anxiety, panic attacks and relationships really hit home with me. What resonated most of all, however, was her reasoning for doing the shopping ban. I felt like this was exactly what I needed to do. I was uncomfortable about how much I was buying, consuming, and carrying around with me. I was always thinking about the next thing I needed to buy, how I didn't have enough of something, and how I would pay for it. I was thinking about money often. I'm grateful to say that I don't have a lot of debt, but I was still worrying about money and feeling buyers remorse as soon as I purchased something. 

It was a very quick decision, and I started by shopping ban on the 1st March 2025. I told my friends, family and some co-workers about the decision, and that I was letting them know to stay accountable. This was the time I also decided to keep a blog about my journey.

So how did I start?

Well, something to note about my current living situation first of all. My boyfriend and I are moving house about 2 hours away from our families. We've always lived near them, so this is quite a big move for us. I'm living with my boyfriend at his parents house for the moment, therefore the majority of our items are in storage.

So I started with what I had - all of my clothes. I've always been someone who 'never had anything to wear' despite a huge wardrobe. 

As per Cait's guidance in her book, I started by de-cluttering what I already had. I approached this with a mixture of Marie Kondo's 'does it spark joy?' question, and a truthful exercise of whether I really liked the items and whether I would wear them again. I had a hunger to de-clutter from reading Cait's book, so I was really excited for this and found that I had a lot that I didn't need. There were so many things where I had thought 'this will suit me one day' or that I bought for the ideal version of myself. It all had to go. I took one giant bag to charity, and listed the rest on Vinted. So far, I've made £210 from what I've sold. Whilst I have found this is encouraging, it is a fraction of what the clothes would have originally cost. However, as per Cait's book and others I have been listening to (more on those in my next post!) holding onto items because they once cost money does not serve us, and only causes more clutter and guilt.

I also got to work to my shopping ban rules, which I've included below. It's not as practical for me at the moment to list an inventory as Cait did, and a % of total belongings tossed (as I don't have them all) although I loved this inclusion in her book. 

Essentials - allowed to buy	Non-essentials, not allowed to buy, or if they break I can replace and need to throw the old one away.	Approved shopping list
Groceries	Clothes	A wedding outfit - but can it be rented or borrowed?
Toiletries, only when I've run out	Shoes	A new pillow
Gifts for others	Accessories	New essential items for home like induction pots and pans once we move
Restaurant and lunches	Toiletries I've been able to live without
Social food and drinking but ideally at peoples houses	No more than 1 bubble tea/drink per week
Travel expenses	Candles
Experience expenses	Home decor items
Protein, only when I've run out	Books - but I have to read what I have or get it for free/borrow

And so marks the end of the first post in my blog. My aim is to blog at the beginning of each month to share what's happened. This blog is out later than I anticipated, but most of the content was written at the beginning of the month.

Thank you for helping me stay accountable and listening to my story! If anyone else is doing something similar or has done something similar in the past, I would love to know!